Sometimes life is too short to f**k around.

I have missed so many opportunities because I was fearful of the outcome. Outcomes which I had no idea where they would lead. Fear sucks..... fear sucks the life right out of a person.

I wish I had done this.............was something I use to think..........but no more.

If the opportunity arises and I dont take the chance, chances are it wont come around again.

I met a handsome man at the grocery store, he was hot by anyones standards. He ask me over for dinner, I said "some other time". He walked up behind me in the check-out line and he offered me a second chance, he ask me again to come have dinner with him, but fear stopped me. Fear of what might happen or that he was so good looking that I might not be up to his standards. I said "maybe next time." He said I dont think there will be another time, since we had never met before and we both shopped in this same store for the past 3 years.

He was right, there was no third chance. In the past 5 years since that chance meeting, we have never met again. Would it have gone to more than dinner, you bet I would have liked to have found out. I will never know, because of fear and insecurity. Fear sucks.................Fear can suck the life out of a person.

Sometimes life offers us more than we think we are worth. I dont know about you, but I have learned, I am worthy of it all.....................

Sometimes we simply need to take the chance.

I wish you every chance the universe has to offer you. Even more, I hope you lose your fear and take that chance.

To Marc

You’ve been gone for such a long, long time.
I barely view the memory, of you here in my mind.
You were my hero, my star, my idle,
I wanted so much to be like you.
Now when I try to see your face,
You no longer come into view.

In all the years that have past, I saw you everywhere,
As I walked through the mall, in a store or down the street,
I saw your face on every stranger, mostly big and burly men.
I thought maybe you’d come back or you really hadn’t gone.
But then I know the way you left, you would not be coming back.
And that I should not come along.

Twenty-five years have come, now gone, and you would be proud,
I haven’t cried too many tears. A lesson you taught, I learned.
You held me down, with forceful fists, yelling “real men never cry”.
You told me strength was in the man,
the one who never feared, any toil, or pain or heart-ache.
I have since learned those lesson and the reasons why.

I know our lives were not much fun,
Filled with hunger, abuse and pain.
I grew up in the shadows of a man
who’s love I could not gain.
You said I was a fag, a sissy, and yes, even a queer.
I did my best against your fists, not to shed a tear.

So proud was I, to prove you wrong,
I married, I have a child, but my desires were so strong.
I covered them with alcohol, to make it through my day.
I didn’t want to lose my wife, not wanting to be gay.
I hid my life, my wants, my dreams, just for your approval.
Never knowing how this all would end, only living with upheaval.

As I look back, I look for you, but I would not change a thing.
If not for you, your rugged strength
I may not have made it through,
These doors of life which opened in sorrow,
Then closed with so much pain.
We both lost, much of life, yet I still have so much to gain.

You were a man of no nonsense, hard work and grease filled hands,
A wife, a life, a family, a mechanic was your plan.
You did the best with what you had, big talk with strength to back it,
You never lost a single fight, you proved a rough, tough man.
I was inspired by your strength and always much in awe,
I saw the perfect man in you, showing little human flaws.

Forgetting all the strides you made, forgetting all you’d gained,
Remembering the past you lived, remembering the pain.
Not able to let go the hurt, more confidence you needed,
At times life’s more than a strong man can handle, you walked away defeated.
There is not a single word I’d say, that would have made your life much better,
Your actions took us by surprise, no farewells, no letter.

I spoke with Ma, the other day,
We talked of when you left,
She said it was all a big mistake, then blamed a faulty gun.
I told her it was no ones fault, not hers, your wife, or son’s.
She disagrees to blame someone, fault has to lie somewhere,
Maybe it is with your widow, Ma says she didn’t care.

I’ve wanted so many times to talk, alone with your son,
To tell him of the things I know, good things that you had done.
But knowing he is far to old, for any past to matter.
I keep my silence and my distance, for fear I’d make him sadder.
25 years ago this day you left, your family, your child, your wife.
It was you, and you alone, who’s gun ended your life.

My brother, sometimes I wish that you were here,
just to see how our lives turned out.
I have a granddaughter in my life, she brightens up my day
It will not matter to this child, that her grandpa is gay.
I no longer hide, nor drink, nor fear, about what’s in our future,
For it is love and love alone, which bring us all much closer.

I can not change what the past has damaged,
Nor the lives which we were dealt,
All I can do is share my hopes, my fears, my dreams
With some emotions felt.
You know big brother that sadness and pain lesson with time,
While I will always miss you and losing you, your death no longer hurts my mind.

Love,
your younger brother,
Tarl

Craig walks up to the group of co-workers who are standing in the stock room, all joking, talking, making plans for the week-end. Craig has his right hand all contorted, as if crippled, flinging his gimped hand against his chest, the expressions on his face is the mask of a mentally retarded boy. Craig starts speaking in a forced manner,  "My naaaaame is Taaaaaarrrrlllll, I not bary smart but I work reeeaaall hard!"

With a smile on his face, as if proud of his next statement, Craig remarks, "I wide da short bus!"

The entire group busts out with tremendous laughter, especially me, Tarl.

The joke, (at least for me) which Craig could not know, is that I was in Special Ed as a child. Never having to ride the short bus (my school was in walking distance), but a little slow all the same. For most, it is not appearant that I have a few learning disabilities.

"Riding the short bus home" is an everyday challenge.
At times the short bus is parked out side my front door just waiting for me to get on..............

by Tarl Michael

I love you,
with the strength of the sun,
And the kindness,
of the pale moonlight.
I wait for you,
like the beach awaits the ocean tide.
I know you,
as the dawn knows the day,
And the sunset,
knows the horizon.
I want you,
as the moth wants the light of the flame.
I need you,
Like a bird needs wings to fly.

You are the life,
that I enjoy.
And the earth that I inhabit.
You are,
the first step I take each morning.
You are for me,
a new day to consider.
A life to bring about.

I love you,
with the strength of the sun.

By Tarl Michael

I sit with catsup on jammy sleeve,
And daddy's on my back,
We take a bath, not all the time,
But the good Lord keeps us on track.
I been enjoying my stay with dad,
back in moms arms I will be glad.

Oh sing along, we sing a song
me and my dad, we know love is strong.
Now sing a song, oh sing along,
Me and my dad, our love is so strong.

In the corner, seldom I sit,
On daddy's nerves, I try not to get.
He is not afraid, of the words that I say,
That is my mom, I want to stay.

We play and play,
we play all day,
Then just before bedtime,
me and my daddy pray.
For family and friends,
for mommy and dad.
For all that I wish for,
And all that I have.

Never a mean word has he said,
about my mommy or my new dad.
Full of cheer and his smile,
I laugh when he sings,
With mom I will live,
Daddy's love God brings.

I sit with catsup on jammy sleeve,
And daddy's on my back,
We take a bath, not all the time,
But the good Lord keeps us on track.